Hawkward Thoughts- The Commons

Sun, 2017/09/17

After a couple of nice, relaxing weeks of pulling my punches for the sake of not “offending” our more sensitive readers, I’ve decided to flex a little bit this week and give my actual opinion for once; no sprinkles and powdered sugar.

I’ve never been a fan of student government, neither now nor in high school, but I have never been so embarrassed for them as I was after I had gotten done reading last week’s article on their meeting with the Illinois Tech Dining Services. You can tell me that “Oh, they’re from different student organizations, like SGA, RHA, FAB, whatever”; I don’t care, it’s all the same to me. This meeting must have been like Khrushchev and Kennedy in Vienna: where the big, bad Illinois Tech Dining Services is sure to just bow down to a little kid new to the world of politics. But wow, Kennedy should have taken a lesson on how to lose a deal from this meeting.

In short, the major outcomes were that the greasy, extremely unhealthy, sat-under-a-heat lamp-for-two-hours breakfast sludge we all know and love is now going to be replacing actual meal options in the Commons for certain lunches and dinners, that the same goes for their fake-egg omelets, that they won’t be providing pork dishes as much because apparently ground beef, chicken, and noodles are good enough to eat for every single day of a person’s life, some nice rhetoric about how the Commons is now actually starting to toast sandwiches instead of slapping them into a George Foreman grill and calling it a day, and that some people are surprised that big businesses water down their drinks and use old bread like it’s some new practice. If you want to try some real “dry and flaky” bread, get one of their Gluten Free slices; it’s usually nice and moldy.

Honestly, I’m just blown away that out of everything that the student government “accomplished” at their meeting, half of it actually involved taking away decent, slightly healthy options and replacing them with greasy potatoes, artificial eggs, paper-thin turkey bacon, and links of cardboard sausages. Here’s a real compromise: if you want breakfast food, wake yourself up by a reasonable time and go to breakfast! Novel idea, isn’t it?