Tic Tac Toe: the greatest game of all time

Friday, March 24th, 2017

Explorative, deep, strategic. In the context of games, did those words make you think of a video game? If so, you have been living a lie, perhaps full of pretty screens, but what is real life besides a large, metaphorical television screen anyway?  To the gamer in you, I say take out a napkin and a pen so that you can play a real game: Tic Tac Toe. You may be about to tell me to go fish for a new mentality on what constitutes a real game, but hear me out on this. As such, here is a review you never asked for but assuredly will change your mind on gaming.

Allow us to begin with the visuals. Did you ever stop to think that life itself is higher quality than the highest quality television you could buy? As such, Tic Tac Toe has graphical value above any video game you could ever play. If life-like visuals are something you expect from a game, why, it has existed for over 100 years, right under your nose, completely undetected. Perhaps you overlooked it? There is no contest here, folks; there’s age to this one. Of course, as with any game, the gameplay is far more important than the visuals, even if in this case they are perfect.

Tic Tac Toe is easy to play, but hard to master, typically featuring a three by three square board. The goal of the game is simple: be the first to get three Xs or three Os in a row. Of course, one does not simply place an X or an O. Oh no, that would be asinine. Players must strategize: do they create a “cat’s game” by taking the middle square? Do they corner their foe? Or perhaps, do they fake out their foe with deceptive symbol placement? If print would allow the curious emoji to make it into writing, this sentence would be replaced by it. The possibilities are endless, and they do not stop with the gameplay itself. If you have ever been bothered by the inability to play console games on the go, perhaps you will consider investing in a Nintendo Switch. However, I do not advise this, as Tic Tac Toe can be played on a napkin, on standard 8.5 by 11 paper, on legal paper, on construction paper, on whiteboards, in AutoCAD, in Microsoft Word, and even on human skin. The list goes on, and clearly this one game satisfies every gaming need you could ever have, both in gameplay and flexibility. If we’re still making a comparison to video games here, then it stands to reason that even Tic Tac Toe is incomplete without a proper soundtrack.

Let me just say, the music options for Tic Tac Toe are in greater variety than any video game you have ever played. Perhaps, dare I say in this age, you want to have a naturistic soundtrack. In that case, perhaps your friendly neighborhood street pigeon would be interested in joining your game by way of its wonderful chirping, or perhaps the sound of a car crashing into a pole suits your fancy. Nature is wonderful sometimes. Of course, you could also just play the game in a forest preserve. If you want something more upbeat, why not bring Tic Tac Toe to a club? And if you want it to be more personal, you can bring your own music, maybe a boom box or three. The possibilities are endless with this game, and video game developers could honestly take a few pointers from it on all counts.

If my words have not been enough to convince you, dear reader, then I encourage you to try Tic Tac Toe for yourself and actively bring it into your life. You will find yourself saying “regret? I hardly knew ‘em.” Now for the score. On all counts, Tic Tac Toe is objectively 10 out of 10, beating out video games in graphics, gameplay, music, and even age. If that doesn’t speak volumes, I am just not sure what does.