How To: Win a Fight Against a Puma

Technews Writer
Sat Sep 08, 2018

Writer's note: It is the opinion of the author that the belief of winning is the same as actually winning

1. Stand your ground and do not, under any circumstance, show any sign of backing down.

2. Wave your arms around and stretch out your clothes to make it appear that you are larger than you actually are.

3. Charge head first at the puma once it has recognized your size and refusal to back down.

4. Strike the animal on or near the nose with either a punch or kick and watch as the puma flees in fear from the sudden impact.

5. Contact your local animal control and inform them of the puma's location and direction of travel.

6. Return triumphantly to safety and tell your friends and family the incredible story of the time you faced off against a puma and won.

7. Continue to enjoy this fantasy you are experiencing due to blood loss as, in reality, the puma continues to maul your body.

 

 

Appears in
Slipstick
Channel