I have either made an incredible discovery or a depressing realization depending on whether or not the reader of this article is able to relate to what I am about to write about. The subject in question is memory, specifically those memories which we keep from our more distant past. These are those memories we have kept from growing up and growing old that have been embedded in our very brains as long term memories. While some are warm and comforting to embrace if and when needed in our daily lives, others are just simply horrendous.
Yes, I am talking about those memories that are too embarrassing or humiliating to even discuss in great detail. These are the memories that make you want to hit your head against a wall in complete mental agony as you try and get your mind to think of something, anything else. These memories seemingly appear at random intervals in daily life, with absolutely nothing in the surrounding environment or in your most recent thoughts or actions even remotely related to what it is you hate remembering but still do.
I cannot help but notice that a significant number of my long term memories are specifically dedicated to those actions or events. These events are those in my life that make me just want to crawl into a bed and never again socialize with another human being out of fear that it may happen again or that they may know or find out about this event in your past. I remember humiliating events in elementary and middle school better than I do my most recent vacations I have taken with my family. I remember saying and doing regrettable and embarrassing things 10 years ago better than what I had for lunch a week ago.
Now in reality, many of these events may not have been considered embarrassing or horrible by you or those around you at the time, but with time their true nature has come to light for you to see whether you wanted to or not. Others at the time may have not even noticed that this event happened and only you at the time recognized that it happened, but that idea that others know about that one time you did something so stupid is as haunting as the action itself is. Consider it somewhat of a paranoid delusion that you eventually convince yourself is neither paranoid nor delusional.
Now as to whether this opinion is shared by others leads me to the two option I presented at the beginning of this article. Should others agree with me in this line of thinking, this concept will go down as one of the greatest psychological breakthroughs I have ever made with my fellow man. Should I be alone in this way of thinking, that will simply mean that I am someone who suffers horrendously and uniquely compared to everyone around me, which is something I really don't want to be the case. With that being said, I will now ask that no one respond to me which of the two options is correct, because either way these memories will remain.